Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...I DO

I love Cole Porter but maybe he had it all wrong. Mr. Porter penned Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, except his response was I Don't. Then again, he never met Cynthia Kelley aka Juror Number Five. Actually, it didn't ring any bells in my head either until I read further. She is engaged to marry Rodney King and the juror who pushed for him to be awarded $3.8 million in his civil case against the city of Los Angeles. The day after the trial the couple had their first date. Sure there was a minor hitch, they were both married to other people. Apparently, they have both relieved themselves of their previous obligations and are now engaged to be married. He states she is a godsend, another word that starts with g comes to my mind. I would just be leery if the person who helped me win a few million decided they wanted to date me the day after I received the money but maybe it's true love, who am I to judge.

Poor baby...

Wow I just read a tragic story about a little girl who always wanted to become a ballerina, her mother left her with a nanny while she lived the dream the girl envisioned in her own future.  Unfortunately, this poor child grew up into a statuesque woman which ruined her dream to be a prima ballerina. She suffered through a life of rage which she attributed to her failed dream. Poor Naomi Campbell it must be so hard to have all your hopes and dreams crushed and just have to live your life as a top fashion model.  All I have to say is THANK GOD FOR OPRAH! She actually made Naomi ballerina for the day with the Bolshoi ballet! Now maybe all the little people will be spared her wrath or maybe it will fuel her rage and more domestic staff will be scared with Swarovski crystal cell phones.

Hug-A-Gram

Today I went to a fair at the park. They were selling all sorts of things from the totally practical, Tupperware, to the totally bizarre,  Hug-A-Gram. Yes, for the mere price of twenty dollars you could purchase a pair of severed arms to wrap around yourself when you are feeling down. But what really made them alluring is the hands were identical to Mickey Mouse's and who do you know that didn't feel better after a day at Disney? Yes, no one that's probably the point! Next year I'm getting a stand at the fair and offering real hugs, I'll undercut them maybe only charge $5.00. It just seems sort of creepy to wrap a pair of dismembered Mickey Mouse arms around yourself.

Celebrity Excuses

Poor Paris Hilton, pulled over by police because they smelled marijuana smoke "wafting" from her car. Once stopped,  they also found cocaine in her handbag, first off she said she thought it was chewing gum and then confessed that the hand bag wasn't hers because well in her words "it's to cheap".  In the interest of assisting Ms. Hilton's defense team, I did some research myself on the probability of confusing the two. As a crack investigator I plugged into Google "Does chewing gum come in powder form?" Well, lo and behold the second hit was cocaine from Wikipedia! Apparently, the indigenous people of South America have been chewing the leaves of the coca plant for over a thousand years so to me it's crystal clear how she could be confused. Next I'm working to help strengthen Linsday Lohan's case when she stated the pants she was wearing weren't hers or probably my toughest case Tom Sizemore who claimed the Calvin undies he had on weren't his because he's a Hilfiger man. I have to admit more then once I've accidentally worn my clothes inside out or even backwards, but luckily I've never had the misfortune of running around town in some one else's undergarments.

You Look HOT!

Seriously, all you fashionista's out there this Summer look HOT. And by HOT I mean you may want to duck into the nearest H & M or Hollister ASAP, and catch some of that free AC they have been pumping into the street illegally. I'm sitting here just wondering when boots became so fashionable to wear in Summer. OK even if they are extremely fashionable to wear all year round one might think they are also extremely hot. Those ankle boots are one thing but Uggs and Doc Martens, just the thought of wearing them even in winter makes me sweat. And to the person who posted on the message board...Would it look dumb wearing boots in Summer? Let me sum the answer up for you...YES!

Section 24-221(a)

Although it's far from top secret or classified, I'm sure most people are unaware of a law in NYC that carries a $350.00 fine and bans horn honking except in cases of "imminent danger", which is defined as "an immediate threat of harm". With that we can probably rule that if a car is headed towards you on a one way street it may be an appropriate time to make use of your claxon. However, in a situation where the traffic had ground to a screeching halt because its rush hour and your type A personality is on the verge of a heart attack, well that does not constitute an emergency except in your own mind.

neither by snow nor rain nor heat....

This morning I needed to mail something so I decided to take a walk to the post office. Sure there is a mail box on every corner as well as in my lobby but it's a movie from Net Flix and I want to get my monies worth. Along the way I meet my neighbor and it became a journey, with a coffee break on the way. We stood outside the post office talking, when suddenly we heard the most alarmingly repetitive, slamming noise. An elderly man had double parked, to place a letter in the mail box, securing its journey by vigorously opening and closing the door. My neighbor thought I was a little overzealous about walking to the post office but we looked at each other and both declared his intensity for safe passage of his letter bordered on madness.