Knock Off!

I have an issue with paying excessive prices when you can find the same items for less. Of course some items I'm a stickler for like a particular brand of mayonnaise or cotton swab. So when looking through a local discount store for some no-brand items I came across this hilarious display. So a blade is part of an axe but not a synonym of one, making me think Blade may sort of smell like Axe but not really. Just to confirm my theory, I utilized one of the most famous dictionaries.

Synonyms ax (or axe), discharge, dismissal, furlough, redundancy [chiefly British]

Then for the imitator.

Synonyms cutter, shank [slang], shiv [slang]

Next time you are out check the shelves for Range Top Stuffing, Chop Meat Helper or Chickens Eye Vegetables.

Let's Go To The Videotape!

There use to be all these commercials for RIF ( Reading is Fundamental) the nation's largest children's literacy organization. At this point I'm almost sure that reading a book may go the way of the dinosaur. It seems like there are more and more videos every day and less use for reading. I go to a news web site to read a story and I can't, I have to watch a video. And most annoying is the 30 second advertisement prior to the story I am forced to watch. Eventually, there will be no need to read as we will be able to watch videos of everything. Reading will be another lost skill like the art of writing cursive.

Should I stay or should I go!!!!

The other day I went out to dinner and I have to admit, I had a few adult beverages. It's safe to say I was feeling a bit tipsy. But as you can see from the photo it was still pretty early as it was light out. As we walked to the train my friend and I stopped at the corner to cross and we both looked up and saw this sign. At first we didn't say anything, we both thought we had to much to drink and were seeing things. We stood at the corner and waited. Then I heard other people speaking about the bizarre sign and we both burst out laughing, it was not the beverages after all.

This cold is too stressful I need to stay inside!

Well, I just was outside and it's 14F.  I love the cold but even I admit that's pretty frigid. The thing that stresses me out about the cold is not the cold itself but the plethora of Winter Warriors who want to defy the cold. For some reason I still see people on the streets with shorts, skirts with no tights and yes, even no coats.  What is the deal with these people?  I like the cold but frost bite that I'm not a fan of and you shouldn't be either. Seriously, you are so cool now put a coat on.

Caveat Emptor!

Last night the grocery store had oranges and pineapples for $1.00 each. Of course I thought that was pretty expensive for and orange and pretty cheap for a pineapple. So as an experiment I bought them.  Well, for one buck I was expecting an awesome orange and I was terribly disappointed. However, the $1 pineapple was a pleasant surprise! Live and learn!

Does this scale make me look fat?

Last week I started a diet. Yeah who in their right mind starts a diet in the middle of the holidays. Read my blog, clearly I'm not in my right mind. Day 2 - down four pounds or so I thought. Day 3 - I seemed to be back up. How is that possible when I make frequent visits to the gym and have barely eaten?? Oh its not me it's the scale! Apparently, I weigh various amounts when the scale is placed in various positions on the floor. Awesome! So now I can lose weigh with out even trying! I just need to find that perfectly unbalanced place in the floor where the scale reflects a number less than I really weigh! Think I'll re-start the diet come the new year!

No, there are stupid questions!

People say there is no such thing as a stupid question. Well, spend a day with me at work and you will see. Today someone called with one of my all time favorites. Listening to my voice mail the message said Hi! It's Joe! Call me back I have a question for you about my personal income taxes. I wrote down the name and number and then quickly ran outside to check the sign in the lobby and see if I had been transported to my local IRS office or maybe one of the large accounting firms. NOPE! I still worked in the same office, one that doesn't do any work with your personal income taxes. I braced myself and dialed the number. The receptionist had a million questions for me and I just politely asked to be connected with "Joe No Last Name". Quickly I told Joe I was not a tax professional but Joe informed me it was probably a really stupid question. Fire away I said. "Well, how do the taxes on my property get paid?" And then I dropped the bombshell. Joe you have to pay the taxes on your own property. Unfortunately, the tax fairy has gone to the big IRS office in the sky. "Oh I thought that was how it worked" Joe replied. And pretty much our conversation ended there. I would hate to see the bill because this is NYC and Joe has lived there for over 2 years!