Attention NYC Tourists

Well, I've been meaning to have this little discussion with you for some time but haven't had the chance. First, thank you for visiting the greatest city on earth! Seriously I really do appreciate you spending your hard earned money in my city. But now some ground rules. That little parade formation you use when you walk down the street, you know 4 across so no harried NYer on their way can get by - its got to go. NYC has many things, however space is not one of them. So from now on when I see you its single file. Think of it more as a formation a Marine might take on a 20 mile run with a full pack and think of me as your drill sergeant. Oh you don't want to get separated from your group. Sew one of those little tags "if lost please return to" into you clothes. Next, is when you stop and stare at those giant buildings we possess. You stop dead in the middle of the street like a deer in the headlights(you know that look well). I'm walking by and see someone looking up and I think "oh shite we've got a jumper"! Move along little doggy, once again you are obstructing traffic. Also, you seriously should not be riding on the trains. Take a cab. You see every morning you leave your hotel and board my train it doesn't make me happy. You all get on and stand up, then you do a head count (Bobbie Sue are you on? Jimmy Dean hold on) and then while you are all in the process of becoming situated the train lurches forward and you tumble like Jenga. Of course you find this hysterical and laugh like there is no tomorrow - I groan because there is a tomorrow and for me it will be a repeat of today!