Then what is it?????

I use to pass this store frequently, perplexed by the words on the door. To me they were an oxymoron. What is a door if not an entrance or an exit?

Even more mystifying, the picture is taken from outside, so the name is inside. I'm thinking if you are inside, shouldn't you know where you are already? Oh and having the hours on the outside might also be helpful!

Let me tell you how much money I saved!

 Just returned from the kitchen and made myself a heated sandwich. No, I didn't save a bundle on a pannini maker at a Grey Thursday or Black Friday Sale.

Wrong again! I did not order the sandwich maker from the comfort of my own couch from those enticing TV commercials.

Nope, I did not use a fancy contraption as pictured above.
I made the sandwich in something known as a frying pan. Remember them? When I was a kid that's how we made grilled cheese. And frankly, you can use them still to make any sort of hot sandwich and save yourself a bundle!
I didn't even use a fancy contraption as pictured above.

Spam-a lot

Who knew there was a tremendous market for luncheon meats? Cans galore and a plethora of varieties! Less sodium, jalapeno, turkey, spicy, beef, pork, hickory smoked, Teriyaki and the list goes on... The idea of eating meat from a can is extremely unappetizing for me and maybe you as well.
No flavor could ever entice me. But in the interest of full disclosure, most foods I eat do not emanate from a can they are usually fresh. Other extremely canned items are potatoes, zucchini, carrots...
I'm guessing if Armageddon comes I'm in big trouble!

Proof reading, a dead art.

I removed the following line from a police blotter, omitting the town in which it occurred. I would venture a guess that this was not reviewed by the author or an editor prior to publication.
"A man awoke early Tuesday morning to use the bathroom, only to find a burglar ruffling through his wife's purse, police said."
Then I thought to myself, ruffling usually refers to feathers as in making someone annoyed. Of course there are ruffles, like on a frilly dress or potato chips.
Ah is the word rifling? As in:

1. To search with intent to steal.

2. To ransack or plunder; pillage.

3. To rob.

Seeing is believing...

This amazing art was displayed at a well known museum.

These stunning pictures are also from the same artist.
Personally, I find the work stunning and of course it goes with any motif. There is no need to stand there wondering: "Will this clash with my couch?" "Does it match the bedroom drapes?" "How would it look on my walls?"
And if you still are not sure it will work in your home you can easily demonstrate how if will look in your abode. Follow my directions closely for best results. First, take a piece of copy paper. Second hold it up to your wall. Next decide if it works with your decor. Good luck!
Purchasing these pictures for your home can take all the guess work out of decorating. 

My apartment is 3Y...

                   As In Why.....


At work I have received many ridiculous messages. One of my offices all time favorites from a man in apartment 3Y. He left me a message to call him back and that his apartment was 3Y as in Why Not? I wanted to call him back and inform him that Why starts with a "W". But I think it's funnier to allow him to continue thinking Why starts with a "Y".

Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero...

That's the whole quote. The last line of a poem by Horace. Don't worry I'm only concerned about the first two words, Carpe Diem, loosely translated to Seize the Day. You didn't have to take Latin to know what it means, you could have just seen Dead Poet's Society where Mr. Keating teaches them to throw out the old and live for the moment. Pretty simple except for someone who recently stated in my class on films it's "Cease the day". Hhhmmm, cease the day, stop the day? Does that make sense???  Especially since we are watching Dead Poet's Society in the class. Did it really look like Robin Williams was stopping the day? OK well maybe stopping the learning of the day, but the day it's self no he was teaching them how to embrace life and live for the moment. What truly scares me is the person that used the word cease is a teacher and I'm afraid for our youth.

The Doorman

The other night when I came home the doorman said I had a package. Since my arms were already full I told him I would be back for it. As I opened the door to return, he was standing right in front with the box. While he is giving me the box, I can see he is looking around inside my apartment, and then he tells me "Wow your apartment is a mess" so I said "Yeah I'm auditioning for the new A & E show, Hoarders". Granted my apartment was a mess, but I was in the middle of renovating the place and by the way I was not soliciting opinions. Well, the good news is he is busy watching for my episode of Hoarders to run and my place looked great in the end.

Juristan

I have an objection. I object to the ridiculous judicial system that exists in this country. Somehow I managed to be selected for a jury. Yes I know - "You" would have gotten out of it - "You" know what to say to make the attorneys and judge not select "you". Well, I have to be honest with "you". Maybe "you" aren't that smart. Actually, maybe "you" are kinda dumb and that's why "you" weren't picked. Not due to your brilliancy but your stupidity! Maybe they don't want people like "you" on a jury. Did you ever think of it that way?
So for almost 2 months, 12 fellow citizens and myself were forced to sit in a court room and listen to testimony from various professionals and private citizen regarding a frivolous law suit where the plaintiff could not remember one fact of the case. Did you live at 123 Main St? "I can't recall" said the plaintiff stated. Well did you ever live on Main St? Once again the reply was "I can't recall". What was the name of your doctor at this time? "I can't recall" stated the plaintiff. During this time were you married to Mr. Smith? Oh you guessed it...."I can't recall". I'm just curious if you don't know where you live or who you were married to or who your doctor was or any other pertinent fact, how do you recall that grievous injuries were sustained? Oh that's right because grievous injuries are related to oodles of cash and that jogged your memory. And after two months it never went to the jury because they settled. Lucky for the plaintiff because we the jury did not believe the stories we listened to you tell.

United States of Corn Syrup

Usually, I'm diligent and read the ingredients of everything I purchase. Mostly, because I hate sugar in my food. Sure it's awesome in candy but when I'm having a meal the only sugar I want is in my dessert.  Why is corn syrup every where? Dill pickles, dry roasted peanuts, horseradish sauce, stuffing? Check labels, you'll see what I mean. Do they really need them? I mean sweet gherkins OK maybe but "dill" pickles probably not, after all they are supposed to be dill. And please I like my horseradish spicy.  Don't worry, I've outsmarted all those American companies who add it by shopping in the imported foods section who still believe dill pickles should be dill!

Knock Off!

I have an issue with paying excessive prices when you can find the same items for less. Of course some items I'm a stickler for like a particular brand of mayonnaise or cotton swab. So when looking through a local discount store for some no-brand items I came across this hilarious display. So a blade is part of an axe but not a synonym of one, making me think Blade may sort of smell like Axe but not really. Just to confirm my theory, I utilized one of the most famous dictionaries.

Synonyms ax (or axe), discharge, dismissal, furlough, redundancy [chiefly British]

Then for the imitator.

Synonyms cutter, shank [slang], shiv [slang]

Next time you are out check the shelves for Range Top Stuffing, Chop Meat Helper or Chickens Eye Vegetables.

Let's Go To The Videotape!

There use to be all these commercials for RIF ( Reading is Fundamental) the nation's largest children's literacy organization. At this point I'm almost sure that reading a book may go the way of the dinosaur. It seems like there are more and more videos every day and less use for reading. I go to a news web site to read a story and I can't, I have to watch a video. And most annoying is the 30 second advertisement prior to the story I am forced to watch. Eventually, there will be no need to read as we will be able to watch videos of everything. Reading will be another lost skill like the art of writing cursive.

Should I stay or should I go!!!!

The other day I went out to dinner and I have to admit, I had a few adult beverages. It's safe to say I was feeling a bit tipsy. But as you can see from the photo it was still pretty early as it was light out. As we walked to the train my friend and I stopped at the corner to cross and we both looked up and saw this sign. At first we didn't say anything, we both thought we had to much to drink and were seeing things. We stood at the corner and waited. Then I heard other people speaking about the bizarre sign and we both burst out laughing, it was not the beverages after all.

This cold is too stressful I need to stay inside!

Well, I just was outside and it's 14F.  I love the cold but even I admit that's pretty frigid. The thing that stresses me out about the cold is not the cold itself but the plethora of Winter Warriors who want to defy the cold. For some reason I still see people on the streets with shorts, skirts with no tights and yes, even no coats.  What is the deal with these people?  I like the cold but frost bite that I'm not a fan of and you shouldn't be either. Seriously, you are so cool now put a coat on.