"FRESH"

The word "fresh" drives me to the edge when it's followed by a word such as meat, produce or fish. What would you expect them to be? Stale? Synonyms for stale include threadbare, musty and rancid. Even if the food was outdated they clearly would not advise you of it! Rancid Ribeye - $16.99 per pound! I'm no marketing guru but surely nothing would sell with that adjective! Threadbare Tune! Musty Melons! Get them while they are beyond expired!

Wait! What just happened?

Apparently, New York State considers me a competent adult. I know this because at home I can pump my own gas at the gas station. However, in what can be as quick as a 20 minute drive across the state line to New Jersey, somehow I lose credibility and am reduced to a child. The state of New Jersey believes only professionals should distribute gasoline into your vehicle. I hate to sound obnoxious but I dread the idea of having to wait in line and have someone else complete a task I am overqualified for. The worse part is when they accidentally overfill your tank and expect you to pay for the extra. When I travel through New Jersey or Oregon, I'm always prepared with exact change. Maybe one day they will catch on to what the other 48 already know, adults are more that qualified to dispense gasoline into their own vehicle.

Bad coffee

Do people realize how much bad coffee is out there? Probably not because they cover it with sweeteners, I drink mine without any and let me say a lot of it is horrible.
I love the naysayers who tell me its because the coffee is strong and i must not like strong coffee? Thanks Einstein but i drink espresso so please do not correct Me the coffee you are drinking sucks
Apparently you have coated it with some artificial sweeter or sugar to mask the taste. Someone I work with adds 14 packets of chemical sweetener to their coffee, one day the put in 13 and said they can taste the difference. Really you actually taste coffee in that? Why not add those little packets of dangerous chemicals to a glass of water, you probably could not tell the difference.
The coffee I make at home is awesome, I even grind the beans as needed. Move over big coffee chain I have no use for you!

A message from your creditor

There is only one thing worse then opening up your snail mailbox and finding it filled with bills, and somehow my creditors have found it. I'm speaking about the awesome new way to alert you that their bill is on it's way to one of their favorite debtors. Now I receive an email to advise me that a snail mail statement is on it's way to me. OH JOY! So not only do I open my mailbox in front of my home and grimace, I also enjoy that pleasure several days earlier when I receive my electronic message that the best is yet to come. Who thought of that annoying genius move?

Never underestimate....

Luckily for me, my subway stop to work is the second one from the beginning of the line. This constantly affords me the luxury of obtaining a seat at an extremely low level of stress. Today I witnessed a woman in high heels speeding to a newly vacant seat. She was wearing what looked like the highest, most uncomfortable shoes and yet she glided almost effortlessly to reach her goal. Good for her I thought, after all I find running in flip flops especially difficult! Of course I'm sure she is only a sprinter and not a long distance runner. Because I think if the seat was available at the other end of the car instead of near by her journey would have been short lived.

Horizontally Please!

Dear Fellow Subway Rider,
You just plopped down next to me, brushing against me in a most inappropriate way. With you weekend bag placed vertically on your lap. I'm unsure what it could contain because it's only Tuesday. Maybe it's your emergency to go bag in case of disaster or per chance you may hope to get lucky at this evenings happy hour and not return home for a few days. What ever your goal, your bag is deeply disturbing to me because it is perched across my and digging into my arm. How easily this could be resolved if you only turned you bag horizontally on your lap inconveniencing a party of one, yourself. Perhaps you might place it on the floor where a bag that size belongs. Alas I will sit here and suffer rather then becoming the Emily Post of the MTA!
Signed,
A concerned passenger

Apparently not any more...

All around NYC there are metal signs drilled into the facade of buildings. Often, many years after the object they are soliciting has expired. I can honestly say I have never before seen a resolution to stop the unwanted phone calls as clear as this one. So simple I wonder why no one else uses this extremely clear method!

Take a cup, leave a cup...

Reminds me of the take a penny, leave a penny at convenience stores.

Although I would leave a cup rather then take one because that is just gross!

Notes Between Neighbors

Went to lunch the other day and saw two cars with the following signs posted on them:

Be nice to your neighbors because people lives here! And the reply!